i barfeds in our rink
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she peed on how many people?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
