Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
