My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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