I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
