party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's rum buckets o'clock
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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