All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
