I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
