Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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