I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
