im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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