Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
