cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
