we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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