So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
