she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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