i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
