im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
