don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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