So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
