Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
