they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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