Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
zippers are such a cool invention
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
