he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
