yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize