Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize