Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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