Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
