i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
