Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize