I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
