I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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