you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
