I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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