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i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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