I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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