So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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