I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
