Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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