his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
