Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
