There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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