i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
