He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
