i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
