he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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