I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
