walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
