Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize