3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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