so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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