need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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