Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
