I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
