No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need moral support for this bender
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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