I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
