is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
