Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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