You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
