i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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