Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
...so i touched it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
