My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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