Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
