Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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