If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
