I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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