I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
