Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
