I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize