halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
