a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
