I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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