I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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