He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
