i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
