1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
