Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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