that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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