I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize